Art of ageing

"Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty."

- Robert Frost

If I admired Robert Frost before, I absolutely adore him after coming across this quote. Ten years ago, I absolutely believed in my ability to withstand this constant obsession with age that some women have. So, when I discovered my first strand of grey hair at 28, I was quite delighted. I have always been fascinated with sporting a lock of white hair across the forehead, much like Indira Gandhi —the ‘iron lady of Indian politics’. Like all things that feel different when it happens to you, I was aghast when I found ‘my lock of white hair’ in the middle of my head! There was no feeling of joy! All I felt was horror. Surely that was a sign of me turning old, wasn’t it?

From there started this obsession with turning old. I suddenly felt and acted like my world just ended. I mentally started ticking off all the things I should have done by the time I turned 30 and realized that other than actually turning 30 there was nothing else I could tick off. Top on the list was the fact that I was still single, but I was am not so worried about it. I was doing all I was supposed to do to meet some eligible bachelors but if I continued to elude the marriage bond, it was not for a lack of trying.  As far as my career goes, I am not too ambitious about where I land; as long as I am learning something I am fine. So, maybe I could just tick career on my list.

I realised that over time, I had become very conscious of the presence of younger people. I constantly compared them to myself at their age. At times, I was elated at being miles ahead of them and sometimes envious of the choices they had before them. I found myself territorial at work, colouring their ideas and opinions with my prejudices and obsessing over the fact that I would never be as fit as them. Oh how I cursed myself for not listening to mom about so many things plus the bags of chips I ate through on a regular basis!

Low-fat, trans fat, calories, cholesterol, health check-ups, diabetes —suddenly these words were popping up everywhere. Once I turned 30 health articles on ‘food habits for the 30s’ seemed to catch my eye more than I wanted to. Subconsciously, I started making healthier choices, not that I am too unhappy about it considering that I haven’t entirely given up on my sweets as yet. 

My obsession with age had to stop. Imagine running on the treadmill and all I could see was age group 30! As the days passed into months, I felt that nothing had actually changed for me. It was really all in the head. Age is just a number. I still have all the fun I did before, I pretty much eat the same kind of food though of the leaner variety and my hair stopped graying at that first lock of hair.

I wonder if I will face another crisis at turning 40? Or would I be deadpan like Maya Angelou, when she said, “When I passed forty I dropped pretense, cause men like women who got some sense."