Sunday, July 17, 2016

THE TREE OF DESOLATION

On the outskirts of the village, stood this huge banyan tree—more than a thousand-years-old, its roots embedded deep under every home in the village, its vast branches crisscrossing and stretched far and wide.

Once an imposing sentinel that provided shelter and shade, the banyan tree was now forsaken by all. Women used to worship it, tie a scared thread around it; men used to sit under its shade and smoke hookah; children would swing from its branches; sages would mediate; soothsayers offered solace to tormented souls; every leaf that fell was sacred. The villagers believed it was the wind carrying a dream to its fruition. Now, in hushed tones, stories are told, of voices calling out their names in the dark of the night, of cold fingers running across their necks, of hands reaching out to snare them. The tree was haunted, an abode for evil spirits; it was cursed, no longer worthy of being worshipped!

How could a once-revered tree be abandoned thus? Its very reverence was the cause—“I want my son to pass his examinations with great marks. He needs to get that seat in college.” “I need to get married to her. Make her love me, Lord!” “I want what she has! Make me as rich as her!” “Let my husband stop drinking.” “Don’t let him win! That land is rightfully mine!” “Make him leave his wife for me, I love him so much.” “Find my daughter that heart she needs. You are our only solace.” “Help me find a job.” Whispered yearnings of broken hearts, frenzied murmurings escaping despairing lips, a deluge of wishes clashing with each other—success, wealth, revenge, vindication, absolution! One man’s prayer, another man’s prison!

For centuries, the mighty banyan was weighed down by the collective aspirations of people, by the negativity their hopelessness emitted. Their despair latched on to its branches, poisoning its veins, till it no longer brought forth hope that changed lives. It simply ceased to be the Tree of Life.

A toxic energy now flowed through it, giving the tree a life of its own. It attracted the worst of people, feeding on their greatest fears and manifesting it. It still heard the fervent prayers of people but paid attention to the festering, unbidden desires. What purpose would goodness serve with its dried, bland, vanilla-like nature? Sin! Oh glorious sin! That throbbing, beating, colourful spectrum that never died was a thousand times worth rewarding!

Over time, the tree truly became a force of evil, calling on to everything that was depraved and decayed with fear clinging to its bark and misery rustling through its branches. Every leaf that fell burnt in its wake hope. With nothing pure left in it anymore, the people slowly shunned it.

The mighty banyan still stands there—a leafy vault of secrets, offering shade and solace for all those brave enough to venture towards it. Abandoned and shunned it may be but never alone. Take a walk beneath it on a moonless night and hear the shrieks of wishes trapped within, if you dare. 

Thursday, March 3, 2016

The things we lost in silence

The things we lost in silence...

Courage.

To tell you that distance doesn’t mean avoidance.

Nor does it mean indifference.

Friendship is not measured by what I can do for you but for all that I mean to you.

I’m in the clear here. I am right.

All that I am guilty of is a lack of enthusiasm—your kind of enthusiasm. And as they say, it takes two to tango. Apparently, you were looking for better choreography, fresher chemistry.


“Good luck” feels like such a slap in the face when it comes with a goodbye note.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

The resistance

“Why don’t you ever follow the script?”

“I don't believe in scripts.”

“But it does not help my cause…”

“It does mine.”

“Is the obvious flow so difficult to stick to?”

“Don’t you agree this is more fun?”

“NO! I have my answers rehearsed”

“You mean the answers you want to give me.”

“The answers to questions you should ask logically.”

“But this is logical too!”

“Says who?”

“To me it is. This way I get to know more.”

“But I don’t want you to know more…”

“Then why are we here?”

“To talk.”

“That’s what we’re doing!”

“But… but you’re not asking the right questions!”

“Safe questions, you mean.”

“See… you’re doing it again.”


“You make it so easy!”

—My never ending grouse with KS

Monday, April 20, 2015

A letter to my teenage self

Inspired by YouTube's #DearMe initiative, this is the wisdom I would share with my teenage self. My teenage 18-year-old self.

Dear Me,

18 years ahead and I still haven’t figured out much of my life. So, wisdom doesn’t really come with age or some of it does. 

First up, drop that packet of chips. Yes, the one you are going to demolish in the next 30 seconds. Seema may coolly dismiss it in the TV and say, “I don’t care” but you will, ten years from now. Whatever you do, keep that packet of Hide and Seek away from you. You’re going to finish them before you finish reading the next sentence of the lesson you are supposed to be memorising. And that is a habit you will keep with you for the rest of the college years. Still you will be thinner than you are now. (Hey! Don’t blame me. You’re the one who introduced me to the joys of eating burgers!)

Speaking of lessons, if you can, just try and memorize your way through Economics. Not that maths is going to get any better over time, but you’ll feel good for not just scraping through the subject. And go for the History Honours; a few love stories have blossomed there. In fact, you are in middle of your very own love story. You’ve met him already. And no, he’s not being nice to you just because he is a ‘nice guy’. He likes you. So, when he asks you out don’t blink or pretend that you didn’t hear or worse still make a joke of it. He is a nice guy, so he’ll pretend otherwise too. If you fall out of love with him, know this — distance doesn’t really matter to him. He is there, no matter what. He’ll turn up when you least expect and make you fall in love all over again. You want to know a secret. He is kind of famous. 

Famous is also the other ‘love interest’. The one you’ve ignored and avoided (and denied any existence of to the family) for five long years. Let’s just say, he ages like fine wine.

Your love for books remains. Better than ever. And you’ll discover new genres of the … ahem… interesting kind. Speaking of which, you may not believe this, but writing is something you’ll find yourself doing. And yeah, protect and defend what you write especially from snooty college editors!

And did I tell you, you’ll pick up an American accent? Only for a short while. Don’t worry; it won’t be affected like your south-Bombay friends. Okay, it will be affected but only because you would have to put it on to be understood.

Trust in your instinct. So far, you’ve done well with it. So the girl with the big red bag in college that you secretly hoped you could be, befriend her stat! She is the kind of person you want to have in your life. Plus, definitely stay away from the ‘giraffe’. He is interested. And I’m saving you from a very awkward future episode.

One thing that you need to do above all else: Let go of your fear. Think of everyone here as normal people, not all are privileged. Don’t let them overwhelm you; speak up. That’s all. Stepping back will drown you. And I’m saving you from therapy.

Listen to dad, talk to him some more; you’ll want these memories you have of him, no matter how silly. And mom? I know right now she seems like the strictest mother ever but trust me she knows what she’s asking of you. You’ll be surprised if I tell you that you can joke and laugh with her about her rules later. Also, she is really a very strong woman! You want to be like her.

Learn to jive. How can you call yourself a Goan and not know to jive! Okay, given that you don’t speak the language even now but dance? Dance defines your Goan-ness. And cycling… not needed but just get it done with. Who wants to admit they don’t know how to cycle? And lest I forget, hone those mimicry skills! You are going to lose them by not practicing.

Things may seem just a bit confusing now but to many you come across as a level-headed, sensible person. Atta girl! Now just amp up that fun element and you could be the Prom Queen! Just kidding. (You do get to attend the prom, though. And no curfew!)

Remember all the wonderful things you dreamed and wished that science could do to make your life easier? Or to escape domestic chores? Well, some of them do turn true! (Cue: Gleeful claps.) But no carpet rides or teleportation as yet. Bummer!

And given the habit of wanting to know things beforehand! Goran does win the Wimbledon! Now you can shed those tears of joy.

Last bit of advice: Just close your eyes, take a deep breath and get on with what you want to do. Public memory is fickle, you’ll realize.

Love,


The older and somewhat wise me J

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

The worth of a smile

He was early today. It was just one of those days when the universe decides to play nice. As he stood waiting for his train, he pondered over the sheer number of people just like him. The peak hour rush was a miasma of sounds, smells and sights. A giant juggernaut set into motion taking all—the agitated and impatient, the languid and the laggard —from one existence to another.

And the smell! Wasn’t it strange that all stations (even bus stations for that matter) seemed to have a similar rancid and heavy odour? Was that the collective smell of humanity? You would think that the tedium of travel over the years would have made you immune, but no, at each stop, every day, you can feel it hit your nose. And each day you think it is worse than before.

Inside the train, it doesn’t really matter. When plastered to another human being, you can only accept what the Fates have drawn for you – rotten or pleasant.

Bracing himself for another push and shove episode, he looked on at the other men (and a few brave (?) women) mirroring him. “We look like warriors bracing themselves for the clarion call,” he thought.

As the train drew in, there wasn’t that usual clash of exiting and entering people. Luck seemed to like him a lot today. Not only was the compartment less crowded, he got to stand by the door, breathing in fresh air. Once he settled in, he looked around and spotted her.  “A butterfly in a jar. A butterfly in a male jar. A butterfly in a jar of moths. Much better!” he thought and smiled. Their eyes met over the crowd and she gave him that polite half-smile accorded to strangers you’ve being forced to acknowledge. His heart sank a bit, decorum asking him to look away. He peeked, whenever he could, taking in her slender fingers grasping the handrail so firmly that the bones of her hand and wrist stood out. And most importantly, no ring. Her hair was tied up more for functionality than fashion, and every time the sun hit it, they took on a brownish hue, just like the eyes. The lines on her palm formed a distinct ‘M’ and the wrist was bereft of any jewellery other than a black thread. He wished he could see the rest of her; he only caught glimpses of her red buttoned to the top shirt.

At the next stop, she moved closer to him, close enough for him to smell orange blossoms. He thanked God and then thanked him some more when a bigger crowd surged in, jostling them into each other, her front to his side, her one hand jammed between the side panel and his back. He wished the hand would stay there but alas! She swiftly pulled her hand back and moved apart.

They stood like this for the next two stops, both slightly more conscious, and it would be safe to say, each wondering who was more embarrassed. Making her way to the door, she looked back and smiled, this time with warmth.

And like that she was gone.

Her smile lingered with him as he reached his station. It stayed put as he sat in the cab wondering the 'what ifs' of an interrupted romance. And it died just as quickly, for when he reached for his wallet, he realized he had been picked clean. 

Thursday, September 25, 2014

The sentinel on the roof

Every year when I visit home, I see him pacing the terrace. And every time, without fail, I wonder, “How did he get up there?”

Over the last many years he’s been a fixture on that terrace — precariously balanced on the ledge to us, Lord of the Terrace to him. From his vantage point, he looks down on people, observing vigilantly. Any time of the day or night, you look out and you’ll find him there, staring out facing the front gate. Does he not sleep, not eat and most importantly, does he not tire? It’s unnatural and fascinating. When you walk through the gates, a short, sharp bark greets you. Bad enough, you know he’s looming over you, threateningly poised to jump, but that bark startles you no matter how ready you are. There’s nothing ferocious about him—just a common bred pariah but his eccentricity makes him famous, almost like a landmark—“I’m just across the house where the dog walks on the parapet.”

I asked the family if he ever stepped down. It was a mystery to them, much like his sudden appearance and his strange affinity for the ledge. Neither rain nor renovation managed to move him.


On my last night at home, I found him still standing there—poised and haughty like Mufasa from The Lion King. If he had a mane, the likeness would be complete.


(Not a very clear pic but you get the idea.)

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Unwanted Alienation

My heart gives a slight lurch. Are we going to break off like this? Is this the end we always dreaded?

I quit. I’m leaving. I’m moving on. It’s time.

So simple, yet so impactful. Did we ever imagine how these words would affect us?

We would be friends, right? We do still have that connection, right? Million questions of a beleaguered mind. Staying in touch has never been as easy (so clichéd) but the gap that physical distance brings is slowly exposed. It puts up invisible barriers—real and imagined. From a message today to postponing a call tomorrow, suddenly it’s been month and more.

Is this the way thick as thieves go adrift?


If history holds true, we are doomed.