The mountains have
never been conquered, the dance classes have started and ended with me being
the same—adamant, do-my-own-steps person, the guitar learning ambitions have
died their natural death though they resurface every time I get home, the singing
still continues, and the pottery class will remain on the to-do list.
Reflections are
inevitable before a birthday. You wonder at the pace at which time flies; you
once had all the time in the world and just like that you’ve reached an age
that once seemed to be eons away. I don’t seem to be ‘feeling’ my age as people
tend to say you do; for me it just feels like a digit change. Except on the few
occasions when you have to fill the age in forms, I never quite realized that I’m
in my mid-30’s. I love the look of surprise when people get to know my age.
After a decade of being told that I look older than my age, it feels nice to be
on the other side of the fence (shallow, I know, but we all have our guilty
pleasures).
In the years that have
sometimes passed like a blur, I’ve accumulated things, people, habits, mementos
and trophies. Looking back, I’ve realized that I haven’t done great things,
certainly not by any measurable standards but my life is dotted by plenty of
small good things and blessings. I have my family who I can certainly fall back
on no matter what. All the grumbling I’ve done over the years for the coddling
and intrusions are the very things that have kept me alive and whole, the
friends I have may not be too many, but I know that each of them love me. Some
of them have been with me for almost two decades of my life. Their continued
presence in my life is like a reassurance that I have something good within. My
phone may not ring continuously or I may not be texting even but when they call
me out of the blue just to let me know that they think of me, I feel blessed.
My life hasn’t turned
out exactly as I thought and hoped it would. At times I grumble, but mostly I
find myself just riding through whatever comes my way. It has not been easy to
accept that some things haven’t come my way or a few have disappeared from my
life. What have I earned in my life? What do I have to show for my 34 years of
existence? Nothing much and yet, so much.
