Another year older

The mountains have never been conquered, the dance classes have started and ended with me being the same—adamant, do-my-own-steps person, the guitar learning ambitions have died their natural death though they resurface every time I get home, the singing still continues, and the pottery class will remain on the to-do list.

Reflections are inevitable before a birthday. You wonder at the pace at which time flies; you once had all the time in the world and just like that you’ve reached an age that once seemed to be eons away. I don’t seem to be ‘feeling’ my age as people tend to say you do; for me it just feels like a digit change. Except on the few occasions when you have to fill the age in forms, I never quite realized that I’m in my mid-30’s. I love the look of surprise when people get to know my age. After a decade of being told that I look older than my age, it feels nice to be on the other side of the fence (shallow, I know, but we all have our guilty pleasures).

In the years that have sometimes passed like a blur, I’ve accumulated things, people, habits, mementos and trophies. Looking back, I’ve realized that I haven’t done great things, certainly not by any measurable standards but my life is dotted by plenty of small good things and blessings. I have my family who I can certainly fall back on no matter what. All the grumbling I’ve done over the years for the coddling and intrusions are the very things that have kept me alive and whole, the friends I have may not be too many, but I know that each of them love me. Some of them have been with me for almost two decades of my life. Their continued presence in my life is like a reassurance that I have something good within. My phone may not ring continuously or I may not be texting even but when they call me out of the blue just to let me know that they think of me, I feel blessed.

My life hasn’t turned out exactly as I thought and hoped it would. At times I grumble, but mostly I find myself just riding through whatever comes my way. It has not been easy to accept that some things haven’t come my way or a few have disappeared from my life. What have I earned in my life? What do I have to show for my 34 years of existence? Nothing much and yet, so much.